every day I want to speak with you

Today I came across a question to which my own response surprised me:

"If you had a magic wand, what is one thing you would change about this world?"
was the question...

"Nothing! We're here to learn, to accept and love what is and the transformation unfolds from there..."
was my answer. 
It sort of jumped out of me without much thinking, to my own astonishment. 

"Really?" I asked myself in doubt. 
Really, wouldn't I change anything, wasn't this bit of a stretch coming from someone who is deeply committed to the evolution of her species' consciousness and working with that intention? 
Perhaps it even sounds like an arrogant, apathetic response from someone with many privileges.

Not that I do not long for a more beautiful world that my heart knows is possible. I do, with every breath. 
I also let this longing guide me in my life, in my work. and within this longing is the seed of possibility for transformation.
This longing is rich, imaginative, heartachingly intense at times, visceral, inspirational, inviting. 
But never imposing, never gets ahead of life, never pushes or resists or condemns. 
Keeps me clear on my path, keen in my service, bold in offering my gifts. 
Devoted, committed, humble but not ambitious, not hectic, not linear. 

There's this alchemy in taking refuge in what is, so the initial place is not one of resisting and fighting; rather I stand firmly - like a warrior - in present moment, in my present circumstances, with as much self-compassion (which then expands to everything else) as I can muster and let life force fill me, guide me, move me. 
I take it in, I feel, I receive before and while I extend my hand to the Other, to the World. 

Is there anything wrong with wanting to change the World? to change one's Self? 
no, not intrinsically. any desire that rises with future orientation is there for a reason. 
it's only that I don't find it very useful anymore. it doesn't serve me to 'fight' with what is, even to focus on 'fixing' something. 
I am just present in my longing and let that seed of possibility inform my creations and my service. 

The closer I keep myself to that Presence, the more is revealed and I participate in the unfolding cycle of possibility, emergence  - it is almost like "being in the doing", joining the life force always flowing to best potential in any given moment.

I align myself with Life and this beautiful poem hints to the core and the challenge of this practice...


Every day I want to speak with you. And every day something more important
calls for my attention—the drugstore, the beauty products, the luggage
I need to buy for the trip.
Even now I can hardly sit here
among the falling piles of paper and clothing, the garbage trucks outside
already screeching and banging.
The mystics say you are as close as my own breath.
Why do I flee from you?
My days and nights pour through me like complaints
and become a story I forgot to tell.
Help me. Even as I write these words I am planning
to rise from the chair as soon as I finish this sentence.

Marie How