if you come

"Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all barriers that you have within yourself that you have built against it."
Rumi

You're knocking down the walls of my heart. 
And I am scared shitless.
I howl like an animal in the face of the possibility of letting someone close, 
real close, too close. 
What if you don't like what you see?
What if you walk away like the others?
but even worse, what if you stay and dare to love
me
with all my imperfections?

With each step I take toward you,
there are a thousand fears rising,
a thousand ghosts
from the pit I buried love long ago,
so much dust everywhere...

It's like the death of me,
of the one who has been dwelling
comfortably in the numb sleep of
irrelationship,
behind the protective walls of her timid heart.

Through your gaze, I wake and enter
the realm of unsafety and the risk
of drowning in unforgiven grief
unless I roll my sleeves and start
nursing everything I'd forsaken
in the name of protection. 

Come, Come closer.

If you come and stand before me
I may look at you like maybe
you are a curious thing,
a glimpse of mystery in his own right
a poem inscribed in flesh, bone and blood.
I might even sacrifice my illusions and
projections at your feet
so I can really see who you are, 
so I can hear the song of your heart. 
I will patiently wait until you remove
your mask and show me your scars
from the unfought battles of
fear and love.  
In grief & longing, I will take in
this confluence of the river
and the ocean,
ebbing and flowing into each other
at once. 
Always and forever.

My heart is an open field.
My body, an invitation without a question mark. 
I am an ocean of emotion,
memory oozing out of my cells,
of ordinary and unorthodox encounters of you and I, 
in many life times, in countless cycles.
From the beginning of time, we've been seeking each other.
with hunger,
in freedom and truth,
in monasteries and revolutions,
in storms and rainbows, 
under the ground and over the mountains,
between the dragon's feathers and in the flames of fires,
in forgotten stories, forbidden poems
and failed promises.

Then I remember to hold that love,
grow it, amplify it, 
cast it over the shadows of this world
like a golden net.


"There is no one a wildish woman loves better than a mate who can be her equal"
Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run with the Wolves