manipulating love, manipulating life

In the egocentric separation reality, we have been taught to run after our self-interest, to survive/thrive/prosper as an individual against the world and to do that  at all costs. Michael Brown calls it ‘destination consciousness’.

Part of the conditioning is scarcity – there’s never enough of what we are seeking – and it’s always out there, something to be scavenged, accumulated, summoned.

This drive seems to move humanity as a tireless wave of tsunami crashing again and again on its own shores. Some believe that this is human nature, but what if we were conditioned to believe that? What if it’s merely a framework we’ve been accustomed to view the world through – which I am sure served us at some point in our evolution – and our experience of reality is shaped and painted through the set of filters this framework offers?

This principal or way of being applies to relationships and matters of the heart too. There’s a continuous battle-hunt-struggle there too and before I know it I am chasing after the object of my affection: I have to get him because I am after a certain emotion or state that I experience in his presence. Therefore I manipulate the field between us in order to get what I want, I manipulate my experience for a certain outcome I am after.

“We are continually manipulating our experience. What we’re doing is we’re continually manipulating God for an experience we think we should be having. Instead of being able to receive what’s really been given to us.”
Michael Brown

What would it be like to relate, to communicate without manipulation?
to live without manipulation?
free from destination consciousness?

What does it really mean to receive?,

I ask myself after years of working with the intention of activating and embodying feminine consciousness, one of the core aspects of feminine principle being receptivity.

How do I manipulate love, how do I manipulate life
in order ‘to get’ what I want
rather than receiving what’s been given to me?

What if life is already offering me the best option available
and it’s a matter of paying attention, allowing, receiving and creating from there?

The essential question here is: How do I receive Life? 

I am not necessarily talking about being free from longing, passion, inspiration – those can guide us in the infinite sea of possibilities towards what life is already placing on the table for us.

Manipulation is something else. It’s far more subtle and unconscious than one can imagine. It’s not only the obvious manners of control, power-over, emotional blackmailing etc; it’s more sneaky, sometimes it’s hidden in the acts of kindness and compassion, in the expression of gratitude, and even behind the honest face of vulnerability.

I’ve been there and when I realized what I am able to do to get what I want, I wanted to step out of this game. It’s a futile, vicious cycle that keep me moving in the familiar territory of separation and disillusionment. At the end of the day I am really manipulating myself, deceiving myself back to my old and comfortable shoes.  

There’s no newness there.

I want to swim into new waters, follow new streams – of consciousness -, be carried to new territories – of psyche – by rapids which actually scare me shitless.

What version of me is out there, ahead of me, calling me to step into these new shoes?

What surprises and delights and insights are there waiting, possible, for me beyond the ways I’ve been manipulating my life, blindly conditioned by an old and failing world view that had seeped into my bones and flesh since birth?

May there be gentle shedding, so honest and simple, like bare feet touching the solid ground and knowing the grace of being at once.